Lost

Why is it that as mum's we crave the time alone without the kids, but when we have it, it just feels weird?

Ardyn is at Occasional Care again, and I just feel lost. For a year and a half I've gotten so used to having her with me, and it's strange not having her here. If I was out doing stuff I'd be fine, but to be at home without her is just plan weird! I feel lost. Empty. This is good though. She needs to get used to not having me all the time, and I need to get used to not having her all the time. It's just so quiet.

It's funny. I always said that I would be fine putting my kids in childcare. Don't get me wrong, I am fine with it, I trust the staff completely, and logically know it's what's best, but I just feel a bit funny. Lonely. Maybe if circumstances were different and we didn't move away when she was so young. We were thrown together in a strange city, with only each other for company at first. I guess we've grown dependent on each other. She'll be fine, and so will I.

Before having her, I never thought that I'd be this maternal. I mean, I knew that I wanted to be a mum, but it's different to actually being one. I mean, I am SUCH a mum! I say and do things that I promised myself I would never say or do.......stop laughing Maxine! We all say that, don't we? Again, stop laughing Maxine! But it's what's right. I mean, she's our child and our responsibility. I wouldn't feel right passing her day-to-day care onto someone else. Occasional care is good. I'm gladthat Yasmin gave me the 'push'.

I have to pop out now and post out gorgeous nephew Mason's birthday pressie so that it gets to Melbourne in time. Six! He's six! Where has the time gone? I've been meaning to scrap a particular photo of him with that exact theme......I'll do it tonight at Midnight Madness.

I've just gone back and read this post. Sorry if it's a bit strange, it's really just a collection of my thoughts at the moment that I needed to get out.

K xx

Oh, he's going to KILL me for this, but here's a recent photo of Cal playing with Ardyn. The things you do when you have girls!